How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People – Part 1
By Dale Carnegie
ISBN: 9780091906818

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How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to win friends and other similar titles

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

“If by the time you have finished reading the first three chapters of this book – if you aren’t then a little better equipped to meet life’s situations, then I shall consider this book to be a total failure so far as you are concerned.” – Dale Carnegie.

The following three chapters are the chapters referred to in the above quote. When I first encountered this book, it was these three chapters which impacted me most. It began a process which has changed much of the way I have interacted with others ever since. They and hold information which should be reviewed on a regular basis as each time I re-read this book, I discover more about myself and others.

1. ‘If you want to gather honey, Don’t kick over the beehive’

This chapter begins with the story of the arrest of ‘two gun’ Crawley, a notorious and dangerous criminal who held out for over an hour against 150 armed police officers, tear gas and automatic weapons armed with his own hand gun and a second one taken from a police officer he had killed. Described by the Police Commissioner as a man who would ‘kill at a drop of a feather’ he described himself as someone with “… a weary heart, but a kind one – one that would do nobody any harm” and who said of his conviction “This is what I get for defending myself”

It goes on to talk about the gangland characters, Al Capone and Dutch Schultz who considered themselves public benefactors rather than the violent and vicious criminals the police and public viewed them as. This theme then goes on to include the view of a warden from Sing Sing prison who noted that all the criminals rationalised and justified their actions so they could view themselves as blameless.

Going on to mention a founder of an American store chain, the Psychologists, B F Skinner & Hans Salye and others including the spat between Roosevelt & Spat which divided the Republican party and put the Conservative Woodrow Wilson in the White House!

Using Abraham Lincoln as a negative and positive example, the point being made in this chapter is quite simple. People justify their actions in a way that puts their behaviour in a positive light and criticising or blaming them will not change how they view their actions except to entrench them! Instead we should try to understand others.

The chapter concludes with ‘Father Forgets’ by W. Livingstone Larned. The words of a father to his son spoken while the son is sleeping.

2. The big secret of dealing with people

This chapter starts with the point that there is only one way to get anyone to do what you want! That is by making the other person want to do it. Having made that statement it provides examples of bully tactics to make people do things and that such methods have undesirable repercussions.

This chapter begins with human motivating factors. It quotes Sigmund Freud and John Dowey before providing a list of 8 things people want most. It then goes on to focus on one of those needs.

This need has inspired civilisation, it has cased authors to put pen to paper, it has caused great symphonies to be written, it fuels the fashion industry, it determines character, it inspires benevolence and can also produce negative emotions such as greed.

Charles Schwab was the first American in business to be paid a salary over 1 million dollars.  He attributed this to his ability to arouse enthusiasm in others and to develop the best in people which he claims is based in his ability too meet the very need focussed on in this chapter.

The chapter goes on with different examples and stories and spends some time emphasising the need for sincerity to underpin the meeting of this need. This need and how to meet it in others are mentioned in varying terms throughout this chapter. This concept is a core principal upon which the whole book is based and needs to be so entwined with your dealings with others that it become part of your lifestyle.

3. ‘He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way’

Taking an illustration from fishing, Dale points out that while he likes Strawberries and cream, fish prefer worms! Therefore, he does not bait the hook with strawberries and cream but used worms or grasshoppers. He then points our that we should use the same common sense when fishing for people.

The application of this is that nobody cares what you want, they only care about what they want. If you only talk about what you want, you are wasting your time. To influence people into doing what you want you need to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

Harry A Overstreet in his book ‘Influencing Human Behaviour’ said “Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire … First arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.”

Various examples and illustrations are provided some of them quite humorous. However, the whole chapter is best summed up with the quote from Harry A Overstreet.

 

 

How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People
By Dale Carnegie
ISBN: 9780091906818

Purchase at Amazon :

How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to win friends and other similar titles

First 3 chapters and last chapter

Preface to the revised edition – By Dorothy Carnegie

First published in 1937, the book was not expected to sell more than the original 5000 copies of the first run. The book was an instant success and many editions were printed ant the book has become one of the all time international best sellers.

Dale Carnegie used to say, ‘It is easier to make 1 million dollars than to put a phrase into the English language.’ How to win friends and influence people became such a phrase. This chapter starts with the above information and continues with  a full explanation of why it has been revised.

How this book was written – and why

Dale Carnegie had been conducting educational courses for business people and other professionals since 1912. These courses were designed to train people by experience with the objective of getting them to think on their feet and express themselves with clarity, effectiveness and poise.

While conducting these courses it became clear of the need for a course in getting along with other people in everyday business and social life. Realising his own need for such training, Dale searched for such a course and fond neither a course or book on the subject.

Since no book was available Dale began to create his own material for his courses. After many years, lots of research and practical experience and interviews with a very impressive list of people, this book was written primarily as a text book for Dale’s courses.

The chapter moves on to examples of people who’s professional lives have changed dramatically for the better and finishes with the following statement.

“If by the time you have finished reading the first three chapters of this book – if you aren’t then a little better equipped to meet life’s situations, then I shall consider this book to be a total failure so far as you are concerned…..”

The three chapters referred to are those which make up Part 1 which will be the content of next weeks review.

Nine suggestions on how to get the most out of this book

The nine suggestions provided will help you whatever subject you are studying. The most important of which is a strong and committed motivation or desire to master the principals contained in the book combined with consistent practice using them.

I will not expand any further on this. I really want you to read the book for yourself as I believe it has the potential to transform your life for the better. If you would like to purchase your own copy please Click here. Purchasing books using one of the links on this page supports this blog without any extra cost to yourself.

A shortcut to distinction by Lowell Thomas

This chapter was written as an introduction to the original edition. It contains biographical information about the author. This chapter opens referencing a packed conference before moving on to make the point that people have a desire to learn how to relate to and influence other people without learning lots of academic psychological terminology etc.

It then moves on to relate accounts of two of the eighteen previous students who were each given exactly seventy-five seconds to share their stories, before moving on to Dale Carnegie himself.

Here is contained material which parallels my own early history. Dale struggled to gain an education, grew up in a poor family in an agricultural setting. This led to him developing an inferiority complex.

It was his efforts to overcome his inhibitions to become influential, that led him to enter speaking competitions. After repeatedly losing he eventually began to win them and eventually became so good at them, that others would ask him for tuition.

After various jobs in sales and acting, Dale decided he wanted to teach. He persuaded the YMCA to let him hold lectures on public speaking for business people. Having tried such subjects before the YMCA agreed to let him speak for a percentage of the profits instead of hiring him at $2 a night. Within three years Dale was earning $30 a night!

Dales course grew and he found himself travelling around the world and writing the books.

Conclusion of this section

I hope you have developed a desire to read this book for yourself. I am deliberately leaving out sections and information from this review as I only intend to provide a structure from which you can go on to read the book for yourself and get the most out of it. I am hoping to provide you with enough information to let you know it will be well worth your time and small amount of expense buying, reading and applying this book.

I first read this book somewhere between 1982 and 1984. It began a journey into self-improvement which took me from being an unemployable,  homeless (6 months living in a tent)  and angry young person who had very little to constructively offer the world and nothing to offer a potential partner, to where I am today. I have been married since 1988 and jointly with my wife have a small property business which we have built together.

If you do not already have a copy, please please Click here or use one of the links at the top or bottom of this page. Purchasing books using one of these links supports this blog without extra cost to yourself.

 

 

How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People
By Dale Carnegie
ISBN: 9780091906818

Purchase at Amazon :

How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to win friends and other similar titles

Introduction

Overview

This was the first book (apart from the Bible) that started me along the path to self-improvement. I am not alone in this because many successful people began their rise after applying the principals within this book. It is an action based book which promotes taking an active and genuine interest in other people and what is important to them so that you earn trust and respect by building them up.

Such concepts can easily be summed up by Jesus words about loving others as one loves oneself and doing unto others as you would have them do to you. but this book takes it to a practical level and helps one build habits which transform your interaction with other people in a positive and mutually beneficial way.

Dale Carnegie wrote this book over a long period of time having undergone extensive research and having tested the principals by getting student feedback from practical exercises given out during his own lectures. The book was inspired by the lack of a suitable text book for his lectures. The revised edition which is used for this review, does not change the writing style or main content of the original book, it updates some of the language to suite a modern reader.

Structure

The core of this book has been split into four parts, with three introductory chapters and a concluding chapter containing biographical information about the Dale Carnegie by Lowell Thomas.

Preface to revised edition by Dorothy Carnegie
How this book was written and why
Nine suggestions on how to get the most out of this book

      1. Fundamental techniques in handling people. (3 chapters)
      2. Six ways to make people like you. (6 chapters)
      3. How to win people to your way of thinking. (12 chapters)
      4. Be a leader: How to change people without giving offence or arousing resentment. (9 chapters)

A shortcut to distinction by Lowell Thomas

This Review

I intend to review this book in six instalments of which this is the first. I may however decide to split it further if required as parts 3 & 4 are liable to contain too much information to fit within my intended post length. We will see how it goes.